Born and Died in Winter
by Setsumi-san
Summary: Little Amidamaru is freezing half to death in the harshest winter of his life. He can't help but wonder if it would be better to let himself waste away and die in the very same season he was born in. Will he give up on trying to be the strong one?


Born and Died in Winter 

A fanfic by Setsumi-san

(Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King in any way, shape, or form. However, I do own Tenko and Itaru, so don't use them in anything without crediting me.)

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Quotable quotes: "Great Master?"-Amidamaru, reflecting on what Ryu called him.

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Setsumi-san: (hearts start appearing in her eyes) Happy Birthday, Great Master. 

Amidamaru: (gulps) Uh…my birthday isn't until tomorrow.

Setsumi-san: I know, but even if it is on January 6th I just had to give the people an Amida-centered fic to celebrate.

Amidamaru: Really? That's actually very nice of you. =)

Setsumi-san: Why thank you. Now let me give you a birthday glomping. =)

Amidamaru: Nooooo!!! I was hoping you wouldn't do that!

Setsumi-san: (glomps him)

Amidamaru: T-T

**Author's notes: **This is my first attempt at something dramatic, so I hope you enjoy it. Also, Amidamaru's eight years old in this story and anything in _italics_ indicates a flashback. Read and review, onegaishimasu!

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Why won't death come to me? 

Several of my friends have died already. Even now another one of them is fading away in a corner of this abandoned temple all of us orphans live in. Soon she won't have to feel any more pain. However, death won't come to me. It isn't fair.

I'm actually very surprised I've lived this long. I've lived through hardships before, but nothing like this. I've never faced such a harsh winter where the snow is sometimes up to my waist. Oh, it's not that bad today but it may as well be with how I feel.

Now I am curled up here by the temple door freezing, starving, and scared. The flimsy blankets, if you can really call them that, won't help and we have no firewood. (No one in the village does actually.) There's nothing I can do except sleep, shiver, and wish for a miracle. I shudder again, wrap my arms around my body, and feel my ribs that are starting to show from the lack of food. I'm so cold…

My body is turning blue and I can't feel my fingertips. Frost is forming in my hair and eyelashes. Everything's icing over- even my teeth. When I think about everything…it's actually very ironic. My mother and father told me I was born in winter and now I'm going to die in the very same season several years later.

At least, I hope I will… I hope I will so I can see them again. Mother and Father…I need them more than ever now. That's a childish thing to want, but I don't care. I can still remember the day they were taken from me.

_"Get your filthy hands off of my wife you bandits," a male voice growled. The voice belonged to a young farmer by the name of Itaru who did not like the way a bunch of thieves were groping his beloved Tenko. He was being very brave considering whom he was dealing with. Here in the year 1389 criminals were the most powerful people one could ever come across. That did not matter to him though._

_ "Heh. Your wife, huh? Pretty little thing. Give 'er to us and we won't kill you. How's that sound?" the leader responded. He was a muscular man whose breath smelled heavily of sake. Itaru glared. The couple's little son, Amidamaru, stood beside his mother watching with big frightened eyes. He wondered why these awful men just wouldn't leave them alone._

_ Slish! That was the dreadful sound of the poor farmer's stomach being ripped apart by a dagger. Blood sprayed everywhere like raindrops. Tenko screamed, grabbed the hand of her stunned and sobbing son, and ran for her life. However, it was too late. One of the crooks had mounted his horse and began to pursue them._

_ There was the thundering of hooves, drunken laughter, and all at once the young woman was scooped up and placed on the horse's rear end._

_ Then she fell off._

_ You had never heard such horrible sound as young Amidamaru did. No child should ever have to listen to his mother's neck snap with a crunch. As if all of this wasn't bad enough, the terrible horde that had attacked them just rode away._

_ …Laughing…_

_ …As if nothing had happened…_

_ The boy trembled, wailed, and ran until he couldn't run anymore. It was his first night as an orphan._

I wish I would just hurry up and freeze. I'm sure my parents are waiting for me but no; the gods are playing with me and seeing how long I can hold out. I don't WANT to hold out. I'm sick of being the strongest and being the one who protects everyone. Let me be weak for once.

It's still snowing outside. I wonder…if I went out there would I die any faster? Staying in here isn't doing any good anyway. Would going outside help at all? Should I?

No I shouldn't…but I'm going to. I don't think anyone notices me walk out the doorway. Ungh! How the snow stings on my bare feet! It's like cold pinpricks all over! I need to lie down…

As I flop in the snow I can feel myself drifting away, flakes covering me like a blanket. It hurts, but it's also very comforting.

At last I'm going to breathe my last breath…

At last I'm going to stop hurting…

I close my eyes.

"DAMMIT, YOU MORON!! WAKE UP!!"

What? I'm still alive? Who's screaming at me?

"I CAN GO, BUT NOT YOU! YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT! I KNOW YOU ARE SO YOU'D BETTER WAKE UP IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU!!"

There's no mistaking it now. That's Mosuke's voice. Gods, no.

"Hoomph!" I grunt as I feel his foot slam into my stomach. "I'm alive, okay? I'm alive!"

"What were you DOING out there?! You were almost frozen solid! If I hadn't gone to look for you-"

"Leave me alone!" I sob, "I was trying to die! I'm giving up on being tough!!"

He punches me and roughly grabs my shoulders.

"Don't you dare cry," he snarls, "I hate crying more than anything in the world, and you know it. Why can't you be a man?"

"I don't want to be a man! I want to eat something and be warm! I want all of our friends back! If you tell me that you don't; you're the biggest liar ever. You're feeling all of this too!" I blubber. His eyes widen slightly. Maybe he finally gets it.

Kneeling next to me in defeat, my best friend sighs a bit and listens to me sniffle for a while. Finally, he just hugs me. It feels nice. I need him to be an older brother now.

"I know," he tells me, "I know."

Maybe I can survive a little longer…


End file.
